


would it be enough?

by preciouspeterbparker



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Borderline Personality Disorder, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, References to Depression, vent fic lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29909946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciouspeterbparker/pseuds/preciouspeterbparker
Summary: It’s dark in the bathroom. The only light is coming in from the frosted window over the bathtub, scattered beams pouring through the glass of the shower. There are two bodies underneath the rainfall showerhead, wrapped up in each other.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Kudos: 27





	would it be enough?

**Author's Note:**

> okay this isn’t edited or anything, but! here’s a little ficlet i started a few months ago and got the inspiration to finish. 
> 
> title from & inspired by “peace” by tsweezy (that song makes me cry every time bc i feel like i’m never gonna get my happily ever after lol, so i had to give peter his)
> 
> warnings: depression, happy ending, borderline personality disorder, domesticity, discussions of mental health issues
> 
> thanks so much for reading!  
> \- bloo <3

It’s dark in the bathroom. The only light is coming in from the frosted window over the bathtub, scattered beams pouring through the glass of the shower. There are two bodies underneath the rainfall showerhead, wrapped up in each other. 

The taller of the two men pulls away slightly, reaching for a non-descript bottle of shampoo. He squeezes some into his hand, while his partner pumps a blob of body wash on a loofah. Their actions are like a choreographed dance as the smaller of the two tilts his head into the other’s skilled fingers, his own hand moving to lather at the sculpted chest in front of him. 

Peter sighs at the feeling of Tony’s nails scratching at his scalp. He loves moments like this; where it’s just the two of them enjoying each other’s company, forgetting the world outside of the little bubble of peace they’ve created. Running the loofah across the older man’s shoulder and down his bicep, he watches the way the shadows and light drift over the skin. Carefully, he presses the pad of his thumb to the pale, mottled scar tissue covering the center of Tony’s chest where the reactor used to sit, rubbing gentle circles into the skin. It’s smooth to the touch, bare of the greying curls that are smattered from his pecs all the way down to the ‘v’ of his hips. 

He loves this body- its strength, the way it makes him feel protected, the things it can do to his own. Looking up into Tony’s eyes, he thinks of how much he loves the man it belongs to. “I love you,” he says softly, puckering his lips as he’s maneuvered so that his head is under the water once more. 

“I love you more,” Tony replies automatically. “Close your eyes, Pete.” His hands tilt Peter’s head back and he runs his fingers through the foam saturated curls. Once the front is rinsed, he opens his mouth again, “‘kay you can open now.” He takes his time washing all of the remaining suds out as the younger man continues to run the sudsy netting over his skin. 

Next is the apricot scented conditioner that Peter loves. He applies a handful to the dripping auburn locks and rubs the excess into his own salt and pepper hair. Then Tony clocks the way his boyfriend is grinning goofily up at him. It brings a smile to his face as well. “What’s so funny, why’re you smiling at me like that, Pete?”

Peter’s eyes shine as they meet the older man’s. “You’ve got soap on your nose.” He hands Tony the loofah and runs his fingers under the water so that he can reach up to wipe the white foam from the other’s face. “Got it,” he says softly, letting out a quiet sigh as Tony rubs the sudsy loofah over his shoulders. 

Moments like this, as peaceful as they are, are nothing if not effervescent. Even as he stands there under the warm spray, Peter can feel the chill settling deep in his bones and beginning to weigh him down. There’s a knot forming in his chest. He takes a deep breath and tries not to focus on it. He takes in the smell of their bath products, the feel of his big toe bumping against the inside of Tony’s foot. He listens to the sounds of their breathing, the water swirling down the drain. If he ignores the feeling it will go away. 

It doesn’t quite work, and Tony makes a soft questioning sound in the back of his throat and pulls the shorter man a little closer as he rubs the soapy netting in soft circles over the expanse of his back.

Peter lets his forehead rest on Tony’s collar bone. His chest feels- tight. He takes a slow, shuddering breath and tries to calm himself down. He’s starting to get restless, that weird fizzly feeling thrumming in his muscles. “It won’t always be like this, Tony,” he mutters, self-deprecatingly. His arms wrap around his partner’s waist in an attempt to comfort himself. “I’m...I have bad days. So bad sometimes…” He succumbs to the lump in his throat and lets his voice trail off at the end in an attempt to keep it from breaking. His eyes start to burn. He doesn’t mention that he can almost feel one coming on now- 

How did he go from being perfectly happy to feeling like he’s falling apart in the span of a few minutes? It never fails to make him feel ridiculous, how sensitive he is to his own thoughts. If only he could control it, if only he wasn’t so-

Another gentle noise from Tony, who presses a kiss to the shell of his ear. “I know. I love you every day, Peter. Not just when you’re having a good day.” 

Peter lets out a frustrated noise, followed by a shaky sigh. “But...you’re so good, Tony. You’re, you’re normal, and… And I- I’m never gonna be that, I won’t ever really, _truly_ know what that’s like.” And he won’t. Because even on the good days, he’s always aware that it won’t last. Just like the current situation. “There are days where all I can manage is sitting in front of the TV, wrapped in a blanket.” His voice breaks, and the tears that had been stinging at his eyes begin to fall in earnest. “I’ll- I’ll go days without showering because I can’t bring myself to get up long enough to take one, and I’ll put it off until I literally can’t stand it anymore because I stink so bad.” A soft sob rips its way up from his lungs, his whole body shaking with the force of it. Fuck-

Tony just rinses him off under the water, eyes full of compassion as he wraps his arms around him. “It’s alright baby, I’m listening. I’m here.”

The young man splutters, gasping as he starts up again, voice quiet. “I’ll split on you, there will be days where I’ll forget how much I love you, forget all the good stuff. Even though I know, Tony I  _ know  _ how much you love me, I do, but there will be days where I’ll swear that you don’t, that you never did.” 

He’s not sure why he’s saying all of this. Maybe because they haven’t actually had this conversation. Tony knows about his mental illness, of course, but honestly, Peter had been content to let him do his own research about his condition and what that would mean for them. What he would have to deal with every day for the rest of their lives. He hadn’t wanted the words to come out of his own mouth. He refused to be the catalyst that would force him to watch the love of his life realize that he wasn’t good enough, that he was too reactive, too sensitive. That he was just- too much. In every way. 

Too late for that now. 

“I know, baby. Peter, I know all of that. I’m not going anywhere. You being borderline didn’t scare me before we got together, and it doesn’t scare me now.”

And something about that rubs Peter the wrong way. He wants to scream. “But it  _ should _ , Tony! We’re talking about moving in together and you… You shouldn’t have to deal with my- With my crazy.” He cuts himself off and bites at his wobbling lower lip when he notices the way Tony is looking at him. He looks- hurt, almost. “What?”

Tony’s voice is low. “Don’t you ever call yourself crazy. You’re not crazy. You know what you are? You’re my boyfriend. You’re the most generous person I’ve ever met. You give the most amazing snuggles. You’re sensitive and extremely empathetic, and you always know the right thing to say. You’re helpful. You’re expressive, and in touch with your emotions, which can’t be said about most people. You are beautiful Peter, and so is this brain of yours and everything that comes with it. I wouldn’t change you for the world, okay?” 

He pauses to press their mouths together and looks down at Peter, who stopped crying during his little speech and is now gazing at him with adoration in his eyes. “And baby, I know we aren’t married yet but I mean it- for better or worse, through sickness and in health. Or, uh,” he trails off, suddenly looking a bit shy. “However it goes. You know what I mean.”

Peter blinks up at him, heart fluttering in his chest. He’s disoriented by the sudden surge of serotonin flooding his system. This is exactly what he means, but- “You- You wanna marry me?” A shaky smile takes over his lips at the thought. Forever with Tony. 

Tony chuckles. “Of course I do. Who else is gonna put up with me?” He presses another kiss to Peter’s forehead before dragging him under the water. “Let’s wash this conditioner out, put on some comfy jammies- Ah, yes I know we just woke up- and lay in bed today, hmm? I’ll be big spoon.”

The younger man grins, squeezing his eyes shut as the water cascades down his face. “Sounds like a good deal to me- Hey wait.” He cracks an eye open and squints at Tony. “That wasn’t you proposing, right? Because I think I deserve-”

An affronted noise leaves Tony’s mouth. “You can wash out your own damn conditioner! Who do you take me for? Of course that wasn’t a real proposal- I have standards!”

Peter just laughs as the man’s fingers don’t move from their place in his hair.

That knot is still in his chest but-

The good moments, like this? They’re enough to make everything else worth it. 


End file.
